I know that I am not the only woman in the world who's had to deal with going up and down the stairs with a toddler while nine months pregnant, but my God! Alliclaus is still dreadfully slow going up the stairs on her own and doesn't know how to go down them by herself and while I would like to say that I just never have to take her back and forth because Andrés is always here by my side, that would be a wishful delusion. So I've been carrying her up and down the stairs at least a couple of times a day. Now that the contractions are a little stronger and the baby is attempting to engage in my pelvis, the added 25 pounds I'm carrying up the stairs are creating the horrible sensation that every step I take may break my water and cause the baby to fall out. (I know that's not really how it happens, but it is decidedly how this feels.)

So I'm letting Alliclaus go up the stairs on her own in spite of the fact that it means I'm on the staircase for upwards of five minutes at a time and just praying that she doesn't wake up until Andrés comes home. When that doesn't work, I carry her down the stairs as quickly and carefully as I can and hope for the best.

We're pretty close to making a decision to move into an apartment in another part of town in February. We're doing it mostly because it will move us close enough to my work that I would be able to come home to breastfeed, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't thrilled at the prospect of no more stairs. I can't believe that my laziness has reached this degree, but I am going to blame it on the pregnancy and believe that the laziness will go away with the heartburn and the backaches once this baby gets born.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 10:15 AM | Comments (1)

I went and saw one of the midwives at my OB's practice this morning and the appointment went really well. Everything continues to be good - my blood pressure is great, my weight gain (while huge) is consistent and the baby's heartrate continues within the high range of normal.

Since I know we're hoping for a 39-week induction, I had them check my cervix. I'm at 2+ cm and am 70% effaced. This is good news, so I'm hoping that next week will bring a firm date for the induction. Hopefully, my OB will be on the same page. I don't know if I'll be able to start my class if I have a five day-old.

I got some books for Christmas, so I am happy to say that I'll have a few new reads while I'm endlessly strapped to the breast pump (although I am certainly hoping that I'll have to spend less time with that this time). We're getting excited about Sarah's arrival (in a little more than a week) and now I'm starting to want everything in the house spotlessly clean (I'm always a little late in the nesting). The office is open tomorrow and Friday, so I'm hopeful I'll get in a few hours at the office before my last day (January 4).

The heartburn is slowly killing me, so I am off to take more Tums.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 10:08 AM | Comments (0)

I had intended to write this post on Thursday, but when it came time to sit down and write it, I was too afraid to articulate how I'm feeling.

Sometime during high school, I got my obsessive-compulsive disorder under control. At the time, I used an anxiety medication to treat it. When I stopped taking the medication a couple years later, I suffered only mild withdrawal symptoms and a manageable recurrence of the OCD behaviors that had made high school so difficult for me.

When I was pregnant with Alliclaus, I think I saw some increase in symptoms, but I don't remember it being like this. I'm finding my compulsions debilitating. And I have a lot more on my plate this time around. I dropped my classes around this time in my last pregnancy. I worked 20 hours a week and Andiclaus and I were able to work at the same time. There wasn't a sweet-but-demanding 18-month old to take care of. It just seems like it was a lot easier.

When people hear "obsessive-compulsive disorder," I think they probably imagine immaculately clean homes where everything is meticulously organized. I wish. (I don't want to make light of people whose OCD manifest in these ways. I'm sure it has its own host of problems.) The two main ways my OCD shows up are listing and counting. This makes something like Google Reader dangerous for me. I find it near impossible to log off until all the posts are read. It seems absurd. Just close the computer, Beth. And I know that's what I need to do. But when I try, I can't focus for the rest of the day. I'll constantly be thinking about when I can go back and finish reading. It's not just blogs, either. It could be a list of recipes I want to try, or an archive of Alliclaus' books. It doesn't matter what it is, I will find it impossible to focus until I believe I've "finished" it.

School is really difficult for me right now. I took a demanding Summer School class during first trimester and now I'm questioning my ability to complete the work while trying to stay caught up in my current classes. I can't present my thesis without at least a 3.5 grade point average, so I can't afford to try to just coast through this semester. I have one very demanding course and both my classes require diligent attendance.

To further complicate the situation, Andiclaus is working toward an upcoming promotion and is thus required to attend a bunch of meetings that are all occurring on my one school day per week. We've been handling it on a case-by-case basis, but trying to find someone to watch Alliclaus is stressing me out.

***

I quit writing this post a few minutes ago and put together a plan for dealing with my school stresses. I have a lot of questions that will have to be answered before I can know that this plan will work, but I feel a little bit better already. If I can create a less demanding situation for myself this semester, I think I might be able to make it through January without having to resort to medication.

***

I wrote this post on Saturday, but didn't post it. I'm always hesitant to post about The Crazy on the Internet. When I re-read it this morning, I realized that it might seem that I think taking psychiatric medication is bad. I don't. My personal experience with Alliclaus, though, causes me to question the wisdom of taking it while pregnant and breastfeeding. I did it with Alliclaus and will do it again if necessary, but I'm going to try every other avenue first.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 07:50 AM | Comments (7)

I've been known to say in recent months, "Sure it's hard, but this pregnancy has been so much easier than the last one that it's hard to complain." Turns out? Not so hard, apparently.

I'm generally feeling like crap. The ever-present post-nasal drip is turning disgusting again as actual cold season approaches. This lends itself to two lovely additional features of this awesome pregnancy - increased morning sickness and coughing that inevitably leads to wetting myself within the first five minutes of my first class of an eight hour day.

My whole life, I've had incredibly low blood pressure (to the point of my mother being reprimanded about my sodium intake as a child - as in, I didn't get any). The exception, of course, was last time I was pregnant. I remember from a very young age having to sit on the edge of my bed for ten minutes or more when I got up in the morning to prevent myself from fainting once I stood. The increased blood in my system seems not to have improved this situation in me as yet. This morning, I was looking over my shoulder at Alliclaus sitting on the couch next to me while I finished up a quick exegesis. When I turned back to the computer screen, it was all I could do to maintain consciousness.

There's a woman in my department at work who is 39 weeks pregnant, and I am surely more pregnant-looking at 24 weeks than she is now. I can't possibly have 16 more weeks of growing to do. (I have considered posting pictures so that you wil understand, but it is truly mortifying.)

Finally, I got pregnant in the Spring and have been pregnant entirely through the warm, dry season thus far. Fo that reason, my flip flops have practically worn through. Since it is pouring this morning, I decided that my tennis shoes would make more appropriate classroom footwear. Too bad my dogs are so swollen that they barely fit. Dude! My shoes don't fit and I am only 24 weeks pregnant! I didn't even think my feet looked swollen.

On the other hand, I am very excited to be able to bring another baby into our home. And this pregnancy really is easier than the last one, so I guess it should be hard to complain.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 09:08 AM | Comments (6)

It's a girl! Yay!

I will totally post again Friday, but right now I am in the thick of this two-week intensive course and it is wiping me out.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 07:39 AM | Comments (14)

I think a lot about infertility (which is probably somewhat ridiculous, all things considered). Once upon a time, I mostly knew infertility only through the Internet. It has, in recent years, come much closer to home. More than a couple of my nearest and dearest have fought mightily for a child sharing their genetic material. And I know how much it means to them.

For that reason, I've struggled to talk about my parenting experiences of late or my ambivalence toward this pregnancy. I know that I should be grateful to have Alliclaus (even if she continues to test me in new horrible ways everyday) and that this pregnancy is equally a miracle and a blessing. And I (try to) understand how difficult it must be to hear someone bitch and moan about something you so desperately want for yourself.

Andrés and I spent a couple hours talking last night and this morning about how we're feeling about everything. (We were discussing our feeeeeelinnngs.) It's easy to feel discouraged by our situation these days. Finances are tight, we don't get to spend much time together and it seems like an awful time to have another baby. But, as Andrés pointed out, this is really what we've always wanted. And, in spite of the inconveniences associated, it's time to be thankful.

So, I've decided to open a place in my heart for thankfulness. Truthfully, I don't feel it yet. But if I have room there for anxiety and frustration, worry and fear, I can make room for thankfulness as well. There's a space for it - now I'll wait for it to come.

I just hope it hurries.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 03:19 PM | Comments (1)

I've had a number of unattractive pregnancy symptoms between this pregnancy and the last. I have to say, though, that if I could give up any one of them it would definitely be the runny nose.

While I've read enough pregnancy books to know that I am not the only woman to suffer this particular symptom, I am the only woman I know who's had it to this extent. I think, honestly, that the runny nose and post-nasal drip (ew!) are what caused the excessive (and long-lasting) morningsickness I suffered while pregnant with Alliclaus.

Additionally, if I have a runny nose all the time, shouldn't that prevent me from having the other lovely pregnancy sympton, uber-olfactory sense? I can't even breathe through my nose (which leads to awesome morning breath), yet I can smell every disgusting thing in the city? Unfair, I say.

People at work are starting to be irritated by the horrifying noise (I should really record it for you, but it's seriously gross) I make in order to clear my nose-sinus-throat area. Luckily, they now all know that I'm pregnant (because they'd have to be blind to not notice at this point), so I can promise them that the snort will disappear sometime in late January.

***

I've been feeling pretty weak and queasy since coming home from San Diego last week and yesterday it was bad enough that the nurse asked me to go check my blood pressure. It was 125/80, which is great even though it is slightly high for me (I have a very low baseline). Instead, they think it is likely my blood sugar that is causing the ickiness. I've been instructed to consume protein every two hours and to rest when I can (which is approximately never). The belly has also now reached the point where when I spill my food, it falls on the middle of my shirt instead of in my lap. So if you see me at BlogHer and I have a spot on my shirt front and center, please pretend you don't notice. And Photoshop it out of your pictures. Thanks!

Posted by Bethiclaus at 02:54 PM | Comments (6)

Between the hormones brought on by the pregnancy and the hormones from weaning, I am not doing so well. I can't really remember a time when I was more depressed than I have been recently (and that is saying a lot since I've been hospitalized twice for depression). As is my pattern, I retreat from the Internet as I try to deal with the crazy.

There are a number of entries I've started and then deleted because I knew they would be of value to no one, including myself. I'm struggling with the most basic aspects of life (getting my ass into the shower on a regular basis, feeding myself and my child, not allowing my home to become the city dump) and I'm feeling pretty down about the whole thing.

However, I'm going to San Diego on Thursday for Memo's baby shower. I'm hoping it will go okay. I know I'll have a nice time at the baby shower. But getting there means a three-hour nonstop flight with a 16 month-old child who no longer thinks sitting in Mommy's lap is such a great gig. I know that the three hours will really be nothing in the long run, but I also know that they will drag on forever while they are happening. For me and everyone else on the plane. I fear that I'll simply refuse to get back on the plane Monday to come home.

I'll be back tomorrow to discuss books one is meant to read in high school and probably shouldn't read while parenting or pregnant.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 02:20 PM | Comments (10)

One Fetus
11w2d
Due Date: January 16

Posted by Bethiclaus at 01:25 PM | Comments (8)

I was wrong about which midwife I was seeing at the practice today. This one was fantastic! Except that they made me have a second Pap smear in six months (ick!) and I got the pleasure of having a med student observe (awesome!). "Can you see her cervix? I should have used a different spec."

They think I actually am exactly as far along as I think based on the size of my uterus, but I'll have a vaginal ultrasound (FUN!) in four weeks to confirm. Until then, I'm pretty much expected to just behave like my life is not completely turned upside-down. (I remember having these same thoughts with Alliclaus' pregnancy as well. Unfortunately, there was never a month that went by when I didn't have to go back in for some weirdness. Hopefully, this pregnancy will be much less eventful.)

I have been pretending to be on top of my class prep for next week, but I am grossly behind, so my guess is that this may be my last post for awhile (although I guess you never know - procrastination does wonders for my posting). I'm having to do chapter outlines of two books (which? I'm in grad school. Aren't chapter outlines rather...high school?) plus two very short papers before Monday, but I should probably also try to get on top of the other eight assignments that will be due during the two weeks the course actually runs. I'll definitely still be reading from time to time. I also have approximately a million baby blankets to finish.

I'm sure I'll figure it out. See you soon.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 03:28 PM | Comments (9)

I started out thinking about all the ways this pregnancy was identical to the last one. But as this week has passed, I've become more and more aware of how different it is.

When I was pregnant with Alliclaus, I threw up constantly. I had no cravings (at least not until much later in the pregnancy) and no strong disaffection for specific foods. But pretty much no matter what I ate, I threw it up. this time, though, I haven't thrown up yet. I've come close a couple of times, but no actual vomit has passed these lips. (And to that I say, Praise the Lord, because I've heard many women say things like, "I never threw up, but I wished I could. I know I would have felt better if I'd been able to vomit." And I call bullshit. I threw up plenty and I never felt better. Ever.) But I have a strong disaffection for almost everything you could possibly suggest that I eat. I've been eating pita and hummus and tortilla chips and con queso. (So nutritious! Fefe thanks you!)

I'm also less *cough* regular than I was with Alliclaus. And that pretty much sucks.

Most interestingly, my uterus just seems a lot bigger this time than it did last time. I'm concerned that I may be as much as a month off in my estimation of my due date, which would certainly explain some of this, although really? I should just not look like this yet.

In any case, I'm meeting with a midwife from my obstetrician's practice tomorrow for my first OB appointment. Between her busy schedule and my upcoming two-week intensive class, I wouldn't have gotten an appointment with my OB until sometime in mid-July and since I'm really a bit concerned about figuring out exactly how far along I actually am, I decided I'd see the midwife. This is actually the woman who put me on bedrest at the end of my last pregnancy and the woman who gave me all kinds of holistic suggestions for dealing with my morning sickness (9 months!) with Alliclaus. She's very nice, but I'm nervous about seeing her. She kind of freaks me out with her behavioral guidelines for pregnancy. I'm sure it will be fine.

I'll let you know tomorrow if we find out anything interesting.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 07:21 PM | Comments (7)

Things that I totally forgot about, but are identical to my last pregnancy:

• I will want to eat yogurt. I will eat yogurt. The second the last spoonful clears my throat, I will be praying to the porcelain god.


• Every time I sneeze, I will have a sharp pain on both sides of my uterus.


• I will have morning breath all day, even right after brushing.


• My Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder will be worst while I sleep. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I will create weird little patterns that I have to complete before I can fall back asleep. In the morning, I will vaguely remember that this happened, but I will not know what the pattern was.


• I will have to hide at work because my office is right next to the kitchen and I swear to God if someone else makes garlicky Italian food in that microwave again I will cut them with the little plasticware knives.

So far, I have not actually vomited. This is a huge step forward from the pregnancy with Alliclaus. Also, no "mysterious" bleeding like I had the entire time I was pregnant with her. That said, I feel like crap. But I'm hopeful that this pregnancy will be different than the last. I was still throwing up less than a week before Alliclaus was born. I could do without a repeat of that.

But guess what I am doing right now? I am totally blogging from my couch because I got my new laptop and got the wireless router set up. This will be awesome when I (undoubtedly, in my estimation) have feet the size of boats and have to keep them constantly up. I will just lay in bed and blog.

Only down side? The DVD-ROM drive on my new laptop is busted. I think I may have to send the computer back to get it fixed. Which means I will be back to typing as quietly as possible on our desktop while Alliclaus naps. But classes start in a week and a half. Live class-blogging, anyone?

Posted by Bethiclaus at 02:36 PM | Comments (12)

It can be very hard to approach the subject of an unplanned pregnancy sensitively, particularly when many of your friends (inside and outside the computer) have struggled or are currently struggling with infertility. That said, I think it would be dishonest to say that I'm not a little bit, I don't know, less than thrilled at the possibility of having another baby right this second. After all, didn't we just decide not to have another so soon? Weren't the reasons for that decision good ones?

In addition to never wanting to hurt my friends, I know that if I continue to write here, there is a strong possibility that my children will one day read it. I would never want any of my children to believe that they were unwanted. (And this baby is wanted. We just weren't ready for it.) At the same time, I don't write my blog for my kids. I write it for me. And the main reason I am writing about my pregnancy so early (and I just found out this morning, so it really is quite early) is because I remember how hard the first twelve weeks were with my last pregnancy. I really needed to be writing and talking, but instead I was mostly crying and vomiting and hoping the baby wouldn't die.

So there it is. I'm pregnant. And my feelings are unclear. I know I will be excited. I'm just not sure when.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 07:17 PM | Comments (23)

Now that we've added formula to Alliclaus' diet, I find that I'm even more appreciative of breastfeeding. Formula is HARD, man! As it turns out, formula is not just hiding in my shirt. It also doesn't magically come with me wherever I go. We have to make it, wash bottles, do a lot more burping.

I've always enjoyed breastfeeding (SO UNTRUE, but I try to forget those extremely difficult weeks - seven of them) but I've recently found that I love all the gear people now sell to breastfeeding moms. There are so many products out there that I feel certain I must not know about most of them, but here are my three current favorites.

For when you are actually breastfeeding, Bebe au Lait presents:

This picture is not actually that funny. It's really kind of pretty, now that I think about it.

When I first saw someone using this, I thought, Huh. Is she wearing an apron? But the great thing about it is that it has a stiff curve in the neck of the apron thingie so that you can look down (hands-free) and see the baby to make sure that she is latching on properly. I love it!

Next up, and the reason I'm writing this post, from Medela:

I love carrying around a 35-pound pump. Don't I look sassy?

This is the Limited Edition Pump in Style Advanced. It is my new Lovah. My mom got it for me as a Friday prize. Well, actually, she figured that it was cheaper to buy me a new pump than to keep paying the rental fee on the Symphony from the hospital. (Yes, I know that I am too old to let me mom pay for this kind of stuff - I don't care.) It is fantastic. It works just like the Symphony, with two-phase pumping, plus the pump comes in a little cube bag that is totally small and inconspicuous. It also has a little cube cooler that can hold four pump bottles (as if I could ever pump four bottles in one outing - whatever). I love it.

Lastly, from Easy Expression:

While I pump, I like to do important work while also sitting awkwardly on the floor.

Now I know that this thing is possibly the weirdest looking thing on the Internet (well - maybe not), but I love it and it is how I'm catching up on your blogs. Hands-free pumping! I can pump and type simultaneously. It's the best.

So, there's my rundown. Do you have an breastfeeding (or really any baby) products that you love? If so, I'd love to hear about them.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 12:58 PM | Comments (8)

My nipples, however, are another story.

So after telling y'all that I gave up on breastfeeding, I had multiple nervous breakdowns and started taking a fabulous medication. (Take that, Tom Cruise.) I have since reconsidered my decision and Alliclaus has decided that she will at least try to check out the boobage without falling asleep immediately.

So Alliclaus is doing her part, but I am still not doing mine. We're still having to supplement with formula, but she's getting the vast majority of her nutrition from me, for which I am grateful. I figure if I keep on trying, I'll eventually produce enough milk for this chick. Or not. Whatever.

God, I'm fat.

Other cool things that are happening:

My mom has been in town since shortly before the baby arrived and I have decided to pack up Alliclaus and road trip back to San Diego with her. I think I may have lost my mind, but I figure In-N-Out Burger is a good place to find it.

We bought a new (to us) car today! Yay! No more complaining about the car of death. Pictures to follow.

Someone else has agreed to make a baby scrapbook for me. Thank God. You wouldn't know it from my awesome baby blanket-making abilities, but I suck at all other craft-type things, particularly remembering to save memories. I've been married for more than two years and I'm sending my wedding album home with my mom so that someone will actually put pictures in it.

I've lost all my pregnancy weight. This actually probably happened by the time I left the hospital, but definitely was the case by my two-week checkup. But I forgot to tell you. It's very exciting, although the weight is in different places than it was before and my stretch marks are much scarier when they're this close together. I only gained thirty pounds and with a baby that weighed almost ten and the largest placenta anyone had ever seen, it wasn't too hard to lose that amount. Now if only the breastfeeding will help me lose another sixty.

I will gladly pay you Tuesday for some boobie today.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 06:13 PM | Comments (6)

The new modern torture device for Spring: breastfeeding.

Here at the North Pole we are officially done with the traditional mouth to nipple breastfeeding method.

I am positive this makes me a horrible mother, so please feel free to keep your thoughts to that effect to yourself.

Between my low supply and Alliclaus' laidback (read lazy) feeding method, we are not becoming successful quickly enough for me to maintain my composure (read sanity). I have had more than a few minor psychic breaks in the last few days over this and it seems that the only solution to ending those is ending the behavior that is inspiring them.

So to the pump I go.

It's a good thing she's so damn cute.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 07:47 PM | Comments (14)

Friday, March 24, 2006

5:00 am: Andiclaus and I wake up and hop in the shower. My mom also gets up and gets ready to head to the hospital. Andiclaus and Mom have breadfast, but I don't, because the paperwork I have says not to eat after midnight.

7:00 am: We arrive at the hospital and get checked in. My mom takes the last pregnant pictures of me.

One of the nurses puts in my IV and because she has some issues doing so, she calls some 15-year-old guy from the lab to draw blood. He proceeds to draw blood from an artery rather than a vein. Two weeks later, the bruising is still visible.

My doctor arrives (I didn't really expect her to be so punctual) and gets ready to break my water. She puts her arm into me up to her elbow (at least that's how it felt) and tells me that I am already dilated to three and therefore very favorable for induction.

So she gets this weird hook out and starts poking around with it in an attempt to break my water. She hooks and pulls about three times and then announces that it appears that the baby's head is corking the amniotic fluid so that none of it is coming out.

"But it's broken?"

"Oh yeah."

So I'm hooked up to monitors to observe my contractions (that are not very strong or frequent at this point) and told that they'll give me until 9:00 to show progress before starting Pitocin (of which I am deathly afraid).

9:00 am: The nurse comes in to examine me. I'm still at three. This is not good news, and they are definitely going to start a drip of Pitocin.

The Pitocin can be turned up to a maximum of 20, but they will turn it up 2 at a time to ease me into the more intense contractions virtually guaranteed by the drug.

So we begin the drip, increasing the Pitocin by 2 every 15 minutes.

11:15 am: We're up to 20. Why aren't my contractions feeling stronger? (My doctor actually suggests that maybe I'm just a gladiator when it comes to pain. HA.)

11:30 am: I'm still at three?!? Are you kidding me?

12:00 noon: In spite of the nurse's previous explanation, she now tells me that they'll be turning my Pitocin up to 30. At this point, I still haven't had any pain meds, as the contractions aren't really that bad.

1:00 pm: So now I'm up to 30. My dilation? Go ahead - guess. Three! (I'm crying at this point - not from pain, but from frustration.) Sarah has arrived, so I'm slightly more distracted than I was an hour ago.

The new strategy for my Pitocin is to dial it back to 12 and start the climb to 30 again. This apparently sometimes works to get labor going.

3:00 pm: I'm back up to 30 and now the contractions are strong enough that I'm pretty uncomfortable. They give me a narcotic and I sleep and sweat between contractions. Dilation? Three, maybe four? Whatever. I hate you all.

4:00 pm: I'M HUNGRY! (And apparently, I was allowed to eat until I arrived at the hospital. It appears they gave me the instruction sheet for scheduled Caesarean, not induction.)

5:30 pm: My obstetrician is on call tonight, so she's at another hospital performing a Caesarean. The on-call midwife comes in to try to insert an internal monitor and announces that my water has not been broken. I'm at 4, but because the baby is sitting so high, the midwife won't break my water. Without my OB there, no one will be available for an emergency Caesarean if the baby crushes her umbilical cord.

5:32 pm: Commence nervous breakdown. My water isn't broken?!? Why won't they break it now? I haven't eaten in 22 hours!!! Someone shoot me.

6:00 pm: A nurse comes in to tell me that we have to wait for my OB to arrive before we make any decisions, but her best guess is that they'll turn off all my IV drips, get me some dinner, and try again in the morning.

6:10 pm: Second nervous breakdown. I CANNOT do this again tomorrow! My doctor's not on call tomorrow! Who will deliver the baby?

8:00 pm: My OB finally gets back to the hospital. Thankfully, she doesn't want me to wait until tomorrow to deliver. She'll be on call until 7:00 am, so hopefully she'll be here when the baby comes.

They break my water again and this time there's no question.

"That's the gush we were looking for."

"Wow! That's a lot of amniotic fluid!"

8:45 pm: Holy crap! I guess all that Pitocin did work. My contractions are coming closer and closer together and I decide that I can't do it without an epidural.

9:30 pm: The anesthesiologist comes into the room to give me the epidural. I am extremely freaked out at the thought of a needle in my spine, so I tell her that I'm not quite ready.

"We can do this or we can not."

Okay. Paralyze me.

She gives me the epidural and I am oh so grateful.

10:00 pm: The nurse comes in to check my dilation. Six! Yay for six!

I'm feeling no pain anymore, so Sarah's telling me when I'm in pain.

"This one's a bad one, Beth. You are definitely in pain."

Thanks.

11:30 pm: The nurse comes in again to check my dilation.

"I'm not going to say what I think we're at, but I can't find your cervix. I'm going to have another nurse come in to check."

11:45 pm: "She's complete."

What?!? I'm at 10? It's time to start pushing?

I'm not ready! Hold on!

Saturday, March 25, 2006

12:15 am: My doctor comes back to the hospital. They decided to have me start pushing.

I can't remember much of what happened the rest of the morning.

At 2:47, Alliclaus was born. It took another hour and a half to deliver the placenta (Remember that it was the largest placenta any of them had ever seen) and put in my stitches (and take them out and put them in again).

Needless to say, she was totally worth it.

Next time, I'll tell you what happened while we stayed in the hospital.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 08:36 AM | Comments (7)

Okay, so I'm not ready to write up Alliclaus' birth story yet, but I wanted to hold you over with a few things my doctor commented on while I was giving birth.

I had more amniotic fluid than she had ever seen come out of one person (which makes it all the more ironic that she thought she had broken my water eleven hours before she had).

Alliclaus had the thickest umbilical cord my doctor had ever seen (and it had a knot in it, which is apparently very special).

My placenta caused a great deal of discussion as apparently no one in the delivery room had ever seen one so large. (One of the nurses actually said to another, "Did you see that placenta? Have you ever seen one that large?" Um. Hello. I'm still here.)

So, hopefully this holds you over for a few more days. If not, here's a picture of Alliclaus after her bath.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 10:54 AM | Comments (9)

Well, it turns out that I'm no better a blogger now that I'm a mom.

The babiclaus was born March 25 at 2:48 am. She weighed 9 pounds 2 ounces and was 20 inches long. (Damn! I'm glad they induced me two weeks early!)

I'm hoping to get back here to post about the whole experience on Saturday, but currently my feet are double their normal size and I am in breastfeeding hell, so no promises.

Now, tell me how cute my daughter is.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 02:35 PM | Comments (19)

Well, the midwife from the previous entry was definitely not my favorite, but it turns out she was right about some things.

Gaining six pounds in two weeks had less to do with Arby's and more to do with a spike in blood pressure.

While I did have ankle bones, I have ceased to now.

I probably shouldn't have had that third Pepsi.

Anyway, over the weekend my feet went back to sausage status. I couldn't even fit them in my husband's slippers, which are two sizes too large for me.

Monday morning, I woke up feeling like I got hit by a truck. I was nauseated, my head was pounding, I was convinced I was about to faint. So I called the doctor to report my swelling and other symptoms. I was only scheduled to work until noon, so I figured I'd try to get into the doctor shortly after noon.

When the nurse called, she convinced me that if I didn't go to the doctor right away, both my baby and I would definitely die. So I went. And I had to see that damn midwife again.

This time, she set me up on a fetal monitor to make sure the baby was okay while she talked to me about preeclampsia. Fantastic. Then she says to me, "Are you still working?" Yes. "Not anymore." Ha. Then she said it again.

"So when exactly does this 'not working' thing start?"

"Now."

Um. The girl who is covering for my maternity leave doesn't start until next Monday. Great.

So, no more work. Somewhat stressful, but generally, kind of great. I'm bored at home, but at least I'm not concerned about whether or not I'll be able to maintain consciousness for the drive home.

Then, today I went in for my regular doctor's appointment. Regular. Right. My blood pressure is back up. Back on the fetal monitor. Baby is still doing fine.

Then she tells me that with all this happening, she doubts I'll go to my due date. Alright. Since my mom is planning to drive across country to come for the birth, I ask her when she might know if she's planning to induce me.

"Why don't we just have this baby next Friday?"

(That was her, not me.)

What?

So although I am currently in a slight state of shock, it appears that I have been scheduled to have my water broken next Friday morning. It all seems very real now.

They don't have wifi at the hospital (like you actually believe I would keep up on my blogging there when I don't even do it at home), but Sarah, who just happens to be arriving in KC the same day I'm being induced is going to learn how to post for me so that I can keep y'all posted.

I'd like to say that I'll post a couple more times before then, but I'm not trying to fool you guys. Tomorrow is Andiclaus' last day off before the induction, so we have a lot of stuff to do.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 03:45 PM | Comments (11)

Yesterday was my 36-week appointment with my doctor and from here on out I'll be there every week.

About two hours before my appointment, the office called to say that my doctor had been called into emergency surgery and would I mind seeing one of the midwives in the practice at my regular appointment time? I said sure, since I've never had any problems with the nurses I've seen there.

Spoke too soon.

First of all, I gained six pounds in two weeks. At least part of this is due to the fact that I usually have my doctor's appointment right before lunch and yesterday's was right after, but I still about passed out when I saw the number on the scale. My blood pressure was up a bit, but I think that can probably be blamed on my shock at the scale more than anything else.

Anyway, the midwife comes in and goes, "You gained six pounds."

Well, how do you do?

"I'm hoping I can blame at least a little bit of that on the Arby's I just had."

"Are you drinking soda?"

"Um, I'm trying to avoid it as much as possible." (I'm secretly thinking to myself that my doctor doesn't even care if I drink wine with dinner, which I don't.)

"Just don't drink it. Well, at least you still have ankle bones."

The rest of the appointment went pretty much like that except possibly more and more painful, particularly for Andiclaus who just sat there and felt the tension building.

Luckily, I have another appointment in a week and if they call me this time at least I know which midwife I don't want to see.

In other news, my meetup with Andi Pandi fell through, confirming my opinion that you guys don't really exist outside the computer. Just kidding. We're going to try to meet up next time she makes it to Kansas City. Plus, DrinkJack has offered to meet up with us since he actually lives here in KC.

Sarah's coming to visit soon, and Joshiclaus is convinced that all the excitement of having her in town will send me into labor. If that's the case, I think she should move her trip up to tomorrow.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 03:56 PM | Comments (5)

My navel has decided to be crazy.

Last night, it popped. But then it went back this morning. I am very grossed out by this whole process, so I'm hoping it stays back in. Yuck.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 11:21 AM | Comments (3)

I really need to go into labor. Like now. Between an impossible upcoming project at work and the fact that I don't fit in maternity clothes anymore, I am running out of reasons to motivate me to leave the house.

The doctor has informed me that 80% of babies come within one week of their due dates. This was not the information I was hoping for. She did, however, tell me that she won't let me go beyond 41 weeks, so there is a light (it is dim, but it is there) at the end of this tunnel.

I have been crazy busy with school work these last couple of weeks, so I know I haven't been on the Internet as much as I normally would be, but I like to think of it as sparing you from the boring monotony that has become my life. Heartburn, sciatica, homework, peeing on myself, financial worries, cleaning the apartment. When does this life get glamorous?

I'll talk to you guys later.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 07:14 PM | Comments (4)

I've been having some freaky weird symptoms over these last two weeks. In spite of the fact that I whine (a lot) about being pregnant, I had actually been feeling quite a bit better. But last Tuesday, I was sitting in my first day of my two-week intensive when my hands went numb. This was accompanied by severe lightheadedness and shortness of breath. I did my best to keep my cool and not draw attention to myself, but I thought I might faint. So during the break, I called the doctor. They had me come in for a blood pressure check, which was fine, so they sent me back to work and I seemed okay. On Wednesday, I sat through class with no ill effects. I figured that whatever had happened had been resolved.

Then this Monday, it happened all over again. This time, I couldn't make it through class. I went to the student lounge to lie down and get my bearings and virtually immediately started throwing up. Andiclaus had to take the bus to campus so he could drive me home. When I called the nurse this time, she told me that she wasn't concerned about any of these symptoms and that they were all a normal part of pregnancy. WTF? If this is just how I'm going to feel for the next nine weeks, I might as well drop my classes now. There's no way I can function like this at a high enough level to maintain class participation.

In other babiclaus news, we had an ultrasound at 30 weeks. She was measuring 32 weeks 4 days, weighed 4 1/2 pounds and is head down. While the doctor had previously seemed completely unconcerned about her size, at this appointment, she came in and said, "Well, she is big." I was having some leg pain in my left leg with associated edema, so I had to have my leg dopplered to rule out a DVT (bloodclot). It was surprisingly uncomfortable. Anyway, a DVT was ruled out, so that's good. The doctor may have also mentioned something about dilation that I didn't freak about until I was in the car on the way home.

We have another appointment today because the doctor asked to see me in one week (which wouldn't normally happen until 36 weeks). I hope this isn't the new schedule, because I just don't have the time to see my doctor every week (no matter how pretty and nice she is).

We've ordered the babiclaus' crib, changing table, stroller, car seat and crib bedding and it should all be arriving relatively soon. Once it's all here and we've set up her nursery (after cleaning our apartment to to tail), I'll take some pictures of all of it. (Empty promises, I know.)

I'm having a minor (or perhaps major) identity crisis regarding my lack of direction in life. I'm trying not to talk about it here (because it isn't really very funny) and now (since I'm fairly certain that at lease some of this is hormonal). But watch out for upcoming posts! Please remind me that you don't come here for a huge downer.

With that in mind, I'll try to post the ultrasound picture we got last week when I get home today, but I don't have a scanner so no quality promises.

Updated to Add: Okay. Here she is. The quality of the photo is pretty crappy. It's a photo of an ultrasound printout. But she does look remarkably like my baby pictures.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 11:50 AM | Comments (9)

Much as I would like to deny it, I have a confession to make. I am ashamed of this situation and have been hesitant to articulate it myself.

I am a high-maintenance pregnant woman.

I'm really not very high-maintenance in my real life. I'm pretty laid back, or at least have a sense of humor about my situation.

Now, I've turned into a whiny sack of needs.

Andiclaus is the primary recipient of my neediness. I can't figure out how to wash my own legs without eating crap in the bathtub. Therefore, he showers with me. I can't make it up and down the stairs at my apartment, so Andiclaus has to do the laundry. The smell of my kitchen makes me want to throw up, so he cooks and does the dishes.

My fantastic attitude about pregnancy has now begun to impact my classmates as well. I cannot sit in the crappy, plastic, uncomfortable chairs in the classrooms. One of my friends, who works at the school, has been bringing her giant, comfy, leather office chair to class so that I'm not as uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, this makes me even more conspicuous than my 30-week pregnant profile already does.

I'm embarrassed by how high-maintenance I am.

But since I'm whining, and by popular (Sarah) demand, a picture of the sausages residing in my shoes:

Posted by Bethiclaus at 08:07 PM | Comments (8)

Okay, so I promised that I'd update and now I am.

Whoa! Is it really possible that I still have ten more weeks of growing left?

Anyway, I was way optimistic when I said I was over the flu. I'm still fighting off the last of the related problems. I have more phlegm than you can shake a stick at, I can't get rid of my cough and I'm still really lethargic.

Additionally, I have pretty severe edema in my feet (they look like sausages) and soreness in one of my legs.

We had some car problems (that I actually think would have made a great entry at the time), but now they're resolved.

In more exciting news, I pick up my student loan check tomorrow and then this apartment will become baby product central. If only our crib would stop getting back-ordered, we'd be in business.

Well, I should go. I'm in this crazy two-week intensive class right now and it is wiping me out. I'm catching up on y'alls blogs. I'll see you soon.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 07:30 PM | Comments (10)

Okay, so I've been really bad about keeping y'all updated on baby stuff.

Normal Blood Sugar: Check
Low Hemaglobin: Check
Baby measuring at least two weeks ahead of schedule: Check
Keeping due date as is: Check

In other words, for no apparent reason, Fefe is extremely big. My doctor assured me that (though not scientific) her experience indicates that tall white girls, such as myself, can have big honkin' babies without Caesarean.

Also, I got the pre-registration pack for the hospital and I now have to go to the doctor every two weeks. Yikes! It's almost as if they expect me to have this baby soon. Hope they can work that around my class schedule.

While I was in San Diego, we had a baby shower. There are now more small pink things in my apartment than I ever imagined we could have. I'll take a picture soon. I've got all my thank you notes written and most of them sent off.

Also, the Post Office has very cute new Favorite Children's Book Animals stamps for the new 39 cent postage. They are my favorite!

Okay, more later.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 08:09 AM | Comments (6)

There comes a point in your roley-poliness when, really, you should no longer shake it like a Polaroid picture.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 01:22 AM | Comments (4)

So, here's the deal. I have stretch marks. And yes, they are very ugly.

However, Palmer's Cocoa Butter, you are not allowed to call them that. Calling my stretch marks ugly does not make me want to buy your product. It simply makes me want to throw the remote control at the TV.

Thanks.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 04:51 PM | Comments (8)

Yesterday morning, like an idiot, I ate shit on the ice outside my apartment. I fell on my ass. And then, like an idiot, I called my doctor's office just to make sure I didn't need to be worried. I was just looking for a little reassurance.

Well, I didn't get it.

The nurse insisted that I come into the office for a "quick" check of everything. I explained to her that it is finals week and could we please postpone the visit until tomorrow? Apparently, she has forgotten what it is like to be in school, because she lectured me about the importance of getting this whole thing checked out.

So, they squeezed me in at ten for a "quick" check. I had to miss some work (in spite of impending deadlines) to run to the OB. Then I waited. At about 10:45, the midwife finally saw me. I told her that I felt fine, the baby was moving, everything was great. I was simply an idiot. After checking me out, she explains that the really need to do a "quick" blood test and ultrasound. (Did I mention it is finals week?) She was going to talk to the sonogram tech and see if they could squeeze me in "real quick."

The midwife comes back to report that the sonogram tech is completely booked for today. (Sweet, I think. Maybe I can come back when it isn't finals.) Instead, they are going to set up an appointment for me at some private ultrasound place. She assured me that it would be "real quick."

So I go talk to some administrator who is going to set up this appointment. She gets on the phone with this woman and sets up the whole appointment. When she gets off the phone she tells me, "Your appointment is at 1:30." Um. My final starts at 1:15. Alright. Whatever. I'll call my professor. But I gotta get back to work. I'll just make a quick stop at the lab.

Quick. Had I not yet learned my lesson? I get to the lab and the tech looks at my lab order and says, "Oh, we don't do that test here. You'll have to go to a hospital that takes your insurance to get the blood drawn." Are you freaking kidding me?

Whatever. The hospital is attached to the office building for my doctor, so I head over. Apparently, the lab can't do my work until I've been admitted to the hospital's outpatient thing. So I sat around in admitting for twenty minutes filling out paperwork.

I got back to work at noon and tried desperately to get all my work done before my 1:30 ultrasound appointment. I didn't even come close.

I went in for the ultrasound (after drinking four glasses of water) and was told that they were running a little behind schedule. Did I mention I'm five months pregnant and had recently drank four glasses of water? About 2:15, they finally got me in to ultrasound.

Guess what? Everything is fine. It took me a split second to fall on my ass and all freaking day to get it taken care of.

Every person to whom I said, "I have a final today," looked at me like I was insane. One actually told me, "This is much more important. I'm sure your professor will understand." Have you been to college? You can get away with a lot (especially when you are pregnant), but bailing on the final?

By the time I was done with my appointment, the final exam was over. The professor was nice enough to let me do it from home today, but I'll lose points for it being late.

I'm such an idiot. Between my clumsiness and the Missouri Public Works, I'm doomed. Today, I feel like I was in a car accident. I'm mostly just achey all over.

But it's still finals week and I have a lot to do. I better go.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 07:20 AM | Comments (11)

For weeks, I have been telling anyone willing to listen that what I really wanted was to get to the point where people who didn't know me were positive that I was pregnant and not just really, really fat. Apparently, I have reached that point. Yesterday in the elevator at work, a woman who works on a different floor than me got on the elevator, took one look at the belly and said, "When are you due?" I could have kissed her. Instead, I just said, "April."

Evidence of the expanding belly:

Posted by Bethiclaus at 05:47 PM | Comments (15)

It's back to the doctor I go.

Fefe keeps misbehaving. More bleeding. Back to the doctor. "Mysterious."

Wow! How did she know that my life needed a little mystery right now?!?

Anyway, Fefe is fine. Good heartbeat, although very hard to hear today. My blood pressure is staying down, so I am being a good patient.

Also, I lost three pounds. Bad patient. I think it was just my clothes, but whatever.

My coworkers were totally impressed by my pregnantness today. Everyone kept saying, "God, Beth! You're totally pregnant!" Okay. They might not have said it that way exactly, but that is my Californian translation of what they said.

Anyway, I said I would blog today and blog I have. I actually have more to say, but I'm trying to pace myself. More later.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 03:12 PM | Comments (5)

So yesterday was the ultrasound. And it was super weird. Andiclaus is going to try to scan the images at Kinkos I think. The sonogram technician definitely thinks I am the least maternal person she has ever seen. The baby moved all over the place and it looked remarkably humanish. I haven't had an ultrasound since week 9 and back then Fefe was mostly just a heartbeat. Now it had all kinds of parts.

You can see through Fefe, so we could look at its brain and the four chambers of its heart. We saw its kidneys and its stomach (below the heart, apparently a good thing). The whole thing was very alienish.

She looked and looked and all of a sudden goes, "Ooop. I know the gender." (She really means sex as gender is a social construct, but I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it.) I'm looking at the screen and I swear to God, there are no identifiable parts on it. I was like, "okay."

"It really is a Fefe."

What does that mean? Is Fefe a gendered name, because Sarah really thought it stood for Fetus. And isn't Fefe really, like, an animal name? Like a dog?

"What?"

"It's a girl."

"Are you serious?" (No, I am not proud of this response.)

"Yeah."

"How do you know?"

"See those three little white lines?"

"Um, yeah."

"Girl parts. If it was a boy, there wouldn't be three little lines, there would be boy parts." (Have I not explained to this woman that I am a feminist and don't particularly care for cute names for parts?)

"So you know it's a girl because of the three lines, or because there's no penis?"

"The three lines."

"Well, what are they?"

"Labia."

Excellent. So the baby has two arms, two legs, a brain, four heart chambers, two kidneys, a stomach and labia. She says she's 98% sure it's a girl, which is definitely more certainty than I really expected.

Additionally, while Fefe is sort of cute when she's laying down in profile, I am here to tell you that you do not want to see an ultrasound picture of a baby face forward. She looks like the Cryptkeeper. I had nightmares.

In other vaginal news, I have a bacterial infection. (Sorry if that was gross, but it's my blog and if I'm going to show you pictures of the parasite in the uterus, you will have to get used to the gross stuff.) But I'm taking some meds and should be fine. Also, the placenta looks like it is not covering the cervix, so we're good there as well. (Although now we're back to unexplained bleeding which is my favorite.) We got information to sign up for childbirth and breastfeeding classes and I have successfully gained the right amount of weight for where I am in this pregnancy, to which I say, Thank God for the morning sickness. Otherwise, I would have already gained 35 pounds.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 07:48 AM | Comments (6)

So, I've read (Googled) all kinds of things about pregnancy. I know all the crap that will scare the pants off me. I know not to sleep on my back. I know not to lift heavy objects. I know that throwing up lemonade is an unpleasant experience.

However, I am experiencing something that I can't really explain. And believe me, I've tried (Googled).

See, I've been trying to catch up on some homework (reading y'alls blogs), so I've been sitting for most of the day. Every time I stand up, I feel like my tailbone has been hit with a sledgehammer. I've been sitting with good posture, so my tailbone isn't grinding into the chair or anything, but good God. I've given up on reading blogs for the rest of the day. If you write anything brilliant, make sure you email me to let me know. I'm at my site name at gmail.

Also, if you have a brilliant cure (not "Don't sit for so long"), let me know. I'm going to try to stand up now. Pray for me.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 06:44 PM | Comments (7)

Guess how I rang in day one of week seventeen?

Posted by Bethiclaus at 06:50 PM

Well, my uterus will just not behave.

We've had complications pretty much from jump with this pregnancy. I've been on limited activity pretty much the entire time due to first trimester bleeding with an unidentified source.

After six weeks of no bleeding, the midwife told us Friday that I could be considered safe to return to normal activity. Our response to this: a huge sigh of relief. We were out of the woods. We could go on just having a normal pregnancy.

Fast forward to last night. Imagine my surprise when I am presented with more blood. So back to the doctor I went this morning. My regular OB is still out on maternity leave, so I saw one of the midwives. And I cried in front of her. Because Andiclaus couldn't come to my appointment with me.

It took her a minute and a half to find Fefe's heartbeat. But she found it. And I cried again.

Either way, back to limited activity with me. Maybe its placenta previa, maybe it's and old bleed from implantation, maybe my body is a freak show.

Anyway, I'm going to go lay down with my feet up because apparently twelve weeks of that was not enough.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 07:47 PM | Comments (11)

While smelling lavender essential oil this morning, I threw up Vitamin B6, ginger ale and ginger snaps.

Well, there you go.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 04:31 PM | Comments (4)

So yesterday was my 15 week checkup. Since my doctor recently had a baby, I saw one of the midwives from the practice. She was very nice.

However, since she is a midwife, she is very natural and holistic and other adjectives not describing Bethiclaus. When I told her that the morning sickness would not end, she started recommending wonderful things. Vitamin B6. (Why didn't you guys tell me this?) Ginger. Lavender oil. I was like, sweet, I'll just drink ginger ale. Then she tells me that regular stores don't sell real ginger ale. They sell ginger-flavored ale and that I need to go to one of them there natural shops.

So today I went to Whole Foods. And I bought two dollar bottles of ginger ale. Holy crap! Do they not know that I am super-cheap? Then I bought some Ginger Peach tea from The Repbulic of Tea. Yech! I'm not much of a flavored tea drinker, so this is pretty nasty stuff.

Additionally, I bought I little bottle of Lavender Essential Oil. I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to cook with it, so what the heck do you do with it? I'm not really an aromatherapy kind of person. If you know the answer to this question, please comment. And don't make me feel stupid.

So, in three weeks I have The Ultrasound. We've had a few already due to some early complications, but this is the big one. In three weeks, we have to decide whether or not we want to know Fefe's gender. I have mixed emotions on this whole thing.

This is where I turn into exactly that "Granola-Type Californian."

I really don't think I want to know. I think that we assign an awful lot to children based on their gender and I already think it's crazy. Why do we want to do this to them before they're even born? Oh! My fetus has a penis! I must buy blue things with trucks on them! I just can't take it.

However (and this is where I demonstrate my multiple personalities), I am becoming a slave to consumerism. Back in the day, there were a lot of gender-neutral baby clothes. Most people didn't know what they were having and that forced the baby industry to cater to a gender-neutral concept. Now, though, there is so little for parents who don't want to know the gender.

So here's the deal: In spite of the fact that I am a graduate student who spends a great deal of my time studying how the consumer-driven economy is destroying our relationship with each other, God and the world, I have become a slave to the advertisers.

I have three weeks to decide. Your task is clear. Convince me to do whatever it is that you would do.

P.S. It is only fair to point out that I will not be making this decision alone. Andiclaus will also need convincing.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 11:09 AM | Comments (8)

Well, by popular demand, a blog about Fefe.

There's really not much to say. I'm 14 weeks pregnant. I've lost somewhere between ten and fifteen pounds due to the ever-effective Morning Sickness Diet. (My doctor does not find this as funny as I do.) I have an appointment next week where, again, nothing will happen.

I've read so much baby crap that my brain hurts and I get confused between my Philosphy of Religion homework and What to Expect. I've started to have frequent panic attacks about labor and delivery and that is only when I don't think about how shite a mother I will be once the child successfully makes it out of my uterus.

I'm hoping I'll have more exciting Fefe-related incidents to report once it does something to me other than make me wish I had chosen a different entree at lunch.

Until then, back to your regularly scheduled rants about Capitalist Conservative Guy.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 05:59 PM | Comments (4)

1. Shouldn't you be feeling better at 14 weeks?

2. I was sick the whole nine months.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 05:57 PM | Comments (3)

I'm sorry my blog friends. I have been totally neglecting you. I barely ever blog. I haven't been keeping up-to-date on what's going on in your lives. You would be totally justified in removing me from your blogroll.

I'm hoping, though, that this next sentence will make you stay partially in love with me. I'm 12 weeks pregnant. Oh shit. I've been too tired to pull my head out of the toilet to write a blog entry.

I've been waiting for weeks to tell you. And writing all that? Has made me sleepy. So more news will have to wait until tomorrow.

Good night.

Posted by Bethiclaus at 10:22 PM | Comments (12)