We had talked about it for the last six months or so, but Andrés and I finally made the decision to give Salem back to the Humane Society last Monday and yesterday we had to drop him off with the cat coordinator for the Kansas City area.

Salem was a great cat and he kept me company for a little more than a year while I was desperately lonely after moving to Kansas City. Andrés worked opposing shifts to mine and I spent a lot of evenings alone. Having someone at home eager to see me made my days much more pleasant. I could never explain how much I needed that little kitty in those early days.

Since we brought Alliclaus home, however, Salem has never really adjusted. He is apparently one of the many cats who don't do well living with children. We've always been very strict with Alliclaus about leaving Salem alone, but his stress level seemed to skyrocket anyway. He began peeing on my clothes and the baby's and also increased his scratching/biting even as he got older and farther away from his kittenhood.

I've been desperately sad about the decision since last Monday, when I first contacted the Humane Society. They've been nothing but nice and confirmed that we had tried all the options they generally recommend (both Prozac and Feliway pheremone treatment). Still, Salem is a black male cat, notoriously difficult to place, and now he has a behavioral issue as well. I feel like we should have tried something else or otherwise learned to live with his behavior.

Our vet believe that Salem will be better off in another home, one without children, but I'm fearful he won't find one. The guilt is extreme and my hormones are not helping.

More than anything else, though, I just miss my first baby.