When I was a sophomore in college, I worked as a dinner hostess at a hotel restaurant. The same servers and dining room attendants worked with me day in and day out and we came to be a snarky little family.

I was taking Introduction to Philosophy at the time and world read at the podium during my downtime. I hadn't yet declared a religion major. One day, I was reading Nietzsche's Twilight of the Idols and one of the servers asked me about it. I probably told him a bunch of incorrect information about Nietzsche, but I am fairly certain that I did include that Nietzsche was an atheist. He asked about why I was reading it and I probably said something aobut Christians being aware of other perspectives.

"You're a Christian? Wow! I never would have guessed that!"

It cut me to the core. I was attending an evangelical university. While the religion faculty was predominantly progressive, the rest of the faculty and the student body were not. There could be no greater criticism than that you weren't being "salt and light."

I went home and cried that night, believing I was somehow not enough. I swore that I would do things differently and that people would know who I was.

Fast forward: I earned a B.A. in Philosophy and Theology. I started seminary. I made my career path be about knowing the story of the church and living like Jesus. I attend church every week. I baptized my infant daughter. I am religious.

But I no longer live at that small evangelical university. And the greatest criticism is no longer not being salt and light. Instead, I am accused of participating in groupthink or the inability to make critical decisions independently.

My faith is obtrusive in my life and my relationships. Were it not, I doubt I would have any friends at all. You see, I wasn't a particularly nice person before I found someone to follow. I was a gossip and extremely self-serving.

But I do not go about "witnessing" to people. I don't invite all my friends to come to church. I believe that my friends and acquaintances who don't have a faith, or who have a faith but not a community feel that I am friendly and loving to them. I hope that they never feel judged by me. I do not think that my way is the only right way to live.

All that to say, there was an incident at playgroup this week. One of the newer moms to the group discovered that I was a seminarian. She asked if I was studying to be a priest and I told her that no, I was hoping to be a professor of comparative religions.

"So you're not...religious?"

I tried to explain to her that I don't watch the 700 Club and that Jerry Falwell doesn't speak for me, but apparently that wasn't what she meant.

"But you go to church?"

"Well, yes. I go to church."

She told me it was strange that someone who understands the similarities and differences in the world's religions would subscribe to any one of them. And she seemed kind of bothered that I was religious. She went on to tell me that she was spiritual, but not religious. (I must admit, that statement kind of makes my ears bleed, not because I don't think it's possible, but because I think it's trite and gives "religious" a negative connotation, but I digress.)

Then she told everyone that they can lie on their taxes and claim they give money to the church for a deduction because apparently the IRS can't check that information up to a certain dollar amount. That part kind of made me uncomfortable, but I tried not to let it show.

I don't really invest energy into worrying about whether or not my acquaintances have a faith community. I am sure that they are making the best possible decisions for their families. I don't think it is so much to ask for the same consideration. I am an intelligent and kind person and being a believer does not negate that.

Virtually all the blogs I read are written by people who are explicitly "not religious." My friends and co-workers attend church on holidays at most. My best friend won't self-identify as a Christian in spite of weekly attendance and membership in a church.

No one is obligated to share my faith. I have never said to anyone, "Wow! You say you believe in God. It seems kind of strange to me that you hoarde your wealth and live an individualist life." I don't assume I know anything about you simply because you don't attend church. Please don't assume you can paint me with your broad "religious" paintbrush.

Note: This is not a forum for blasting this woman. She is very sweet and I am certain it was not her intention to offend. I've just needed to write about this for awhile and this seems to be the catalyst.