Apropos of my last post, there's a toddler living in my house these days. I figured it was about time for me to start learning about these alien creatures.
More than one mom had recommended Harvey Karp's Happiest Toddler on the Block to me over the course of the last year. Look! It's about toddlers! I have a toddler! Clearly, it is meant to be! (Maybe I'm a little bit excitable these days, hmm?)
Alliclaus has started some very typical toddler behavior. As if a toddler alarm went off within her on her birthday, we've seen an increase in tantrums and a decrease in the variety of foods she's willing to eat. All that to say, I was ready for any advice Dr. Karp had for me. Happiest Toddler on the Block's main thesis is that toddlers are, developmentally speaking, a blast from the evolutionary past. Their communication skills are far more similar to those of cavemen than they are to 21st century communication. I can't say I disagree. Alliclaus' communication tools at this point consist of grunts and pointing.
Where Karp's advice deviates from my current parenting style (also known as flailing) is in response. He advocates the use of "Toddler-ese" to communicate with children during high-intensity situations like tantrums. In an effort to prove that I am trying, I have been overheard many times this week saying such maturity jewels as, "You want to eat that quarter. You want to now Now NOW! But Mommy says no No NO!" It's awesome.
To be fair, it certainly seems to get Alliclaus' attention. She virtually immediately stops the tantum and calms down. Mostly, it's just embarrassing to be heard doing it. So far, it's only ahppening at home. I'm eager to see how it will play out as Alliclaus gets older.
Overall, I wouldn't give this book to every new mother I know, and I'm not sure that I'm totally converted to Karp's methods, but I found it informative.
While I don't subscribe to Karp's specific methods, I do wholeheartedly encourage his approach. For example, I do not use the "toddler-ese". Bah. I felt stupid and Arun looked at me like I was nuts. However, I do acknowledge what Arun wants and that he is sad that he isn't getting it. I do use very simple language and try not to use a lot of articles or pronouns. It also helps to know the differences between the two types of tantrums - true distress and controlling ones. At the age our kids are, they are generally distress ones, where they are genuinely disappointed that the plans changed on them. Those types of tantrums needs comfort and compassion, not time outs. Although, I can see where a timeout would be tempting!
Posted by: cagey at March 30, 2007 01:06 PM
Hmmm....I might just have to try that toddler-ese out!
Posted by: dee at March 30, 2007 12:50 PM