Open letter inspired by a friend’s conversation with a stranger:

me: Hi
freako 90 yr old man: hi, you with child?
me: yes 8 months along.
freako 90 yr old man: are you nervous?
me: no I have 2 other kids and 2 foster kids.
freako 90 yr old man: Your not nervous about a complete human being springing forth from your loins and suckling the life giving juice right out of you?
me: (with a shocked look) no, I love babies.
freako 90 yr old man: You are gonna suckle it right?
me: if you mean breast feed then yes.
freako 90 yr old man: good that's a good momma (as he patted me on my head)

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Dear ignorant 90 year old man:

Since you don’t talk like you are from around this area or have been in the city for very long, please bear with me as I try to explain a few drastic points that may help you not get pummeled by hormonal pregnant women in the future.

Goats, cows and other livestock suckle…babies do not. It’s called breast feeding. Not only is it not necessarily your business as to whether or not I am breastfeeding, but the next time you ask if I’m suckling, I will knock you up side the head with my teet.

Secondly, am I nervous about having a child? Does passing a kidney stone the size of a baseball through your penis make you nervous? Enough said.

Next, let’s talk about personal space. Never, ever pat a full grown woman on the head even if you know her. I am not 4 or in need of your approval. The next time you invade my personal space, I will invade your space in the nether regions with my size 8 boot.

Finally, as far as “a complete human being springing forth from my loins and suckling the life giving juice right out of me”, this conversation alone would have more of a chance of doing that then my unborn child.

Respectfully,

Becky Brahma

Becky is a stay at home mom to a percocious 3 year old daughter and due in 6 weeks with a little boy. Sanity is scarce around here!

I'm posting over at Becky's place today! Check out my post. Click here to check out the other open letters this month, and to get more info on the blog exchange.