I knew that having a baby while I was living so far from home would be rough. I was worried about who would watch Alliclaus, I was concerned that I wouldn't have anyone to answer my questions about mothering, I was worried that I wouldn't know what to do.
What I wasn't prepared for was how lonely I would feel. I dropped out of school, which was really not only my intellectual but also my social outlet. Andiclaus and I decided to work opposite shifts at work so that Alliclaus could stay home with a parent full-time. With the exception of the 20 hours a week I work (where I have my own office and therefore do not get a lot of face time with coworkers), I spend the vast majority of my time with just the baby.
I'm not really complaining about it. I love getting to be home with my daughter. I feel like it is one of the most rewarding things I have done in my life.
But I miss feeling like I had a community. I have church, but I always kind of feel like an outsider there, in spite of the fact that we've been attending there for two years. Blogging has been my only real socialization. While I believe that blog friendships are real, I think I am just in need of some face to face time with friends. Besides, even my blog relationships have been waning. I'm a horrible lurker and that doesn't really lend itself to ongoing conversations with other bloggers.
I've decided that I need to take care of this situation. Here's how:
DrinkJack has invited Andiclaus and I to lunch. I am here publicly taking him up on his offer. I'll email you to work out the details, DJ.
Sarah is coming to visit in two weeks. We are working on a project together (that is currently top-secret) that will creatively (and perhaps financially) link us together forever. You can't stop being my BFF, Sarah! Don't even try!
Okay, now I'm just sounding desparate.
But hey, if you're going to be in Kansas City, send me an email at bethiclaus[at]gmail[dot]com and we'll do lunch.
Oh Bethi, I felt terribly lonely after Lady was born. I live 4 hours away form my family, and to make matters worse, they all live within 15 minutes of eachother so oftentimes when I call home they are all together. I also had left a full time job to be home with Lady (Sweetie and I agree that we wanted her to grow up with a full time parent at home), and I did start a biz, but it is a biz I run out of my home so that didn't lend to adult interaction. Add to that a move to a new town right before Lady came onto the scene = Lonely Cricket with no one to chat at.
Then I started meeting people in the darndest places- baby yoga (we did that when Lady was 8 weeks up until she turned 7 months), the park, a music class that Lady and I signed up for, and now we have a little core group of friends in town! It's lovely, having people to hang around with who also have babies Lady's age...it's fun for both of us. It's also nice to just get out of the house on a regular basis for those activities. Anything like that in your town?
Posted by: Chatty cricket at August 3, 2006 11:32 AM
Hear, hear! (or is it here, here??) I feel that way a lot of the time, too. I'm a total church outcast, and I sometimes feel like my only friends are through the internet. "Real life" friends are hard to come by for me.
I hope your lonliness is short-lived. Best wishes!
Posted by: Britt at August 3, 2006 12:03 PM
i was there! in kansas city!! and i even made you a hand made quilt and you never showed or called...
Posted by: andi at August 3, 2006 04:55 PM
I does get really lonely. I was very excited to go back to work when Donovan was 3 weeks old. I had already spent a month before birth on bed rest (which was the worst lonlieness ever) and really wanted adult interaction. I love being home with Donovan and I am really glad that he is at home with us rather than in childcare. Don and I also work opposite shifts and it makes life difficult sometimes. We stand by our NO WORK ON SUNDAY POLICY so we know that every Sunday the three of us are together all day long. I am so thankful that I have great friends at work!!!
Posted by: Jenny at August 4, 2006 01:35 PM
I have been thinking about the same things as Craig and I try to start our family. Being so far from both sides of our family, I have wondered about who I would be able to lean on and how to prevent being so isolated when you spend the majority of your time with your baby. Unfortunately I don't have any wisdom to offer--heck, I would appreciate some myself (assuming I can get pregnant again!).
Side note: I am actually coming to KC in October for a wedding, but I am literally flying in the afternoon of the wedding and flying back the next morning! Ugh, but I would have loved to have a visit for some coffee...
Posted by: Jennifer at August 4, 2006 09:04 PM
Yay!!! Lunch would be wonderful :)
Posted by: DrinkJack at August 5, 2006 10:25 AM
Well, I'm nowhere near Kansas City, but i can say hi. So, hi!
It does seem to get harder and harder to make new friends as we get older, doesn't it? Have you thought about joining a mom's group? My friends are about 50/50 split on finding them a good social outlet, so you might hate it, but you might not.
Posted by: bad penguin at August 3, 2006 09:32 AM