I've lately found myself irritated with moms who exclusively breastfeed. I will be the first to admit that this out of pure jealousy. I'm truly upset that Alliclaus has never been exclusively breastfed, but oh well. These are the jokes.
Most of the time, I know that my reaction is out of jealousy. But sometimes, I truly feel like I am being judged.
Yesterday, I went to playgroup at Cagey's, for which Alliclaus is really too young, but I don't care because I needed it! It was great!
Her playgroup is comprised mostly of moms who were in a breastfeeding support group together. So, needless to say, they all breastfeed. And while their children are now all on solids, they were all, at one time or another, exclusively breastfed. Some of them had to use formula in the beginning. But they all made it through to the other side and threw those cans of powder away.
La de frickin' da for them. (Green-eyed monster ahead!)
I know that I put my best effort into breastfeeding. And the people in my life who know me best would vouch for that. For seven weeks, my daughter wanted nothing to do with the breast. It was heartbreaking. When we finally got down to just four ounces of formula a day, I was elated. I knew that in just a few weeks, we would be able to get rid of the formula for good. Then came the doctor's visit where Alliclaus gained only five ounces in a month. The doctor and I made the decision to add more formula. I knew there wasn't going to be any cutting back from then on. Truth be told, I'm okay with it now. I know that I do what's best for my child. Formula isn't poison. And she still gets eight to nine feedings a day at the breast. I didn't give up. I simply compromised.
Sometimes, the breastfeeders assume that since I give her formula, I've stopped breastfeeding altogether. Why would they assume that? Do they stop breastfeeding when they start solids? Why would I be any different?
I guess what's hardest is knowing that I probably would have been a bit judgmental of my situation were I not the one living it. I had every expectation that not a drop of formula would ever pass my daughter's lips. I thought moms that said they did both were really only going to breastfeed for a few weeks until convenience got the best of them.
And yet here I am. The mom who fully expects to breastfeed well past the first birthday and also gives her daughter formula.
Yesterday's group was mostly okay. There was one parent who was appalled when I said that we gave Alliclaus a bottle before she figured out breastfeeding. But really? Two ounces of formula at a time is a freakin' lot to feed a baby through a tube.
I don't even really know why I'm writing this. I guess I just need to get it out of my brain. It's been hard lately feeling like I'm on the outside of the breastfeeding circle when I continue to try so hard to make it work.
I agree, you've had a lot of perseverance. I'm sure people wouldn't look down on you if they knew everything that you've done for AAA.
Posted by: Jeanette at August 23, 2006 12:25 PM
Oh, I would be the first to admit there was Obnoxiousness going on yesterday, hence my own post on the baby safety crep. I hope this doesn't keep you from coming again?!
I don't understand all the judgements surrounding formula. Alliclaus NEEDED formula - why would you deny her that? I think it is awesome that you have continued breastfeeding when you could have easily just given up and went 100% with formula. Instead, you are doing BOTH, which in my view, is much more work.
Posted by: Cagey at August 23, 2006 12:52 PM
Oh Bethi, I hear ya. Although, I didn't even try to breastfeed so I give you MOUNDS of credit for working through Alliclause's resistence and actually making it to the other side.
While I was pregnant with Lady, i suffered from some pretty disruptive PPD, BEFORE the post partum part. I had a thousand conversations with Sweetie and my doctor, and finally we all agreed that it was advisable for me not to breastfeed. I really believe that a happy mom makes for a happy baby and it just wasn't going to help any of us. So? I decided against breastfeeding and, although I did go through about 4 weeks of horrendous guilt (due in large part to how much pressure I felt to BE breastfeeding, and all of the judgment I got tossed my way for not breastfeeding), Lady has been happy and healthy, we bonded like champs from day one, and I since have realized that I don't regret a minute of deciding to formula feed my girl from the get go.
I don't get all of the pressure that people dish out and the judgment that goes along with it. I can be as judgmental as the next girl when it comes to certain issues, but honestly? As long as I can raise Lady the way I see fit, then I'm happy. I kind of feel as though all of the breastfeeders need to cut everyone else some slack. First of all, for a host of reasons, it's not the best option for everyone, and sometimes it's just not an option. No one's telling them they can't breastfeed, right? So then go for it and leave the rest of us out of it. I would NEVER give anyone grief for breastfeeding, or exclusinvely breastfeeding, it's their choice, you know? So I guess I'd just ask for the same courtesy in return.
Posted by: Chatty cricket at August 23, 2006 02:04 PM
From what I have seen on your blog you LOVE your DD with every passion. Your decision to do both shows that even more, it is a funny thing B/F I did 1st DD for over 1yr 2nd DD for only 4mths and 3rd DD for 8mths. My last 2 DD's I did both formula and breast, those that judge using both well they can stick up their u know what's. The "rules" for babies seem to change day to day, put them this way to sleep one day then this way the next, feed them cereal under 6mths not under 6mths. It really can make your head spin. I think your baby will guide you the best way to as how she/he needs things done. Your photos show a healthy looking (and darn cute) little girl. Keep up the good work.
Posted by: Jacquie at August 23, 2006 03:15 PM
I've never commented here before, but I just had to say, stop beating yourself up so much. You are doing the best you can and that's great!
My 18 month old never got a drop of breast milk. I tried desperatly,he wouldn't latch and then I get bad lactation advice and never pumped and became engorged and my milk dried up and that was it. You know what, he's fine. You know what else, I still feel guilty. But, I need to get over it, as do you.
Posted by: jodi at August 23, 2006 04:46 PM
Cagey and I were talking about the playgroup-- I have attended before, but now have work meetings that conflict. I wish I had been there, but I probably would have caused trouble. I breastfed exclusively for a couple of weeks and my daughter lost more and more weight. I felt like such a failure to have to use formula. I had planned to nurse for as long as possible. That turned out to be too short for me. I tried pumping to get the milk production going, but spending 45 minutes after every feeding and netting only 4 ounces from a full day's pumping was depressing and actually took my time away from her. I'm still not over it. I realized that when I was talking to Cagey and interjected a ten minute rant on the subject. ANYWAY, I think I know how you feel. I hope you go to her group sometime and we can meet.
Posted by: kanga at August 24, 2006 01:08 PM
I swear I am paranoid about that too. I really do want to do what is best and breastfeed when that time comes, but you can't always have a perfect world. You are doing exactly what is best for you and Alliclaus and that is what you should be proud of!
Posted by: Jennifer at August 24, 2006 07:19 PM
I was unable to breastfeed either of my children due to medical problems,I hope that doesn't make me one of the "lazy moms"...
Ladies,we have enough problems without attacking each other about the choices we have made.I say don't worry about it...you made the best choice FOR YOUR CHILD.Anyone who has a problem with that,tell them to piss off......
Posted by: Jenny at September 5, 2006 08:33 PM
The nurses wouldn't give my daughter a bottle of formula after she was born (10 pounds, 2 oz., huge and exhausted after three days of labor. She had to go to the nursery to be monitored). They drip fed her, then insisted they needed to tube feed her, until my milk came in. My mom asked, "Why won't they give her a bottle?" and I had to fight for it and have a fit to get them to not use a feeding tube. It was ridiculous. With my son I insisted on a bottle right away. (Big hungry babe, like his sister.) My milk came in fine, but the lack of support sucked. Don't beat yourselves up, mamas. We're here to help each other, yes?
Posted by: Wacky Mommy at September 7, 2006 02:03 AM
Don't understand the BFing craze. I wasn't BF; neither was my husband or his sister. I didn't BF either of my sons, and won't be BFing my daughter. Absolutely no desire to. (BTW, you can easily spot my boys; they're the biggest, healthiest, happiest little boys in the room!)
Posted by: Christine at September 18, 2006 12:10 AM
I am a huge supporter of breastfeeding, and I was an exclusive breastfeeder for the first 10 months. I have a hard time understanding people who don't even attempt to breastfeed.
I admire your patience and persistance in the breastfeeding battle that you've had. You have done a great job and have worked so much harder than most people would have ever done to give AAA every advantage.
We have one friend that didn't even try to breastfeed because she thought, "it was gross!" I just about punched her in the face - it is the most natural thing in the world. Another friend of a friend decided she didn't want to breastfeed because she had "body image problems" and she wanted to be a "working mom". Fuck that - I went back to work 3 weeks after C-Section and pumped everyday at work and that was not a problem. I don't understand how people view breastfeeding as such a chore or a hassle. Maybe it is because breastfeeding for me was a breeze and I don't understand the "lazy" route (which is actually alot more work in the long run).
Sorry to go on and on again - I have really got to break that habit. This is also a topic that I get pretty over-excited about. Sorry if I offended anyone by saying "lazy" but I strictly mean formula feed babies from mom's that don't even try to breastfeed. Okay...I'm done!
Posted by: Jenny at August 23, 2006 11:45 AM